Station Wagon Drift Porn

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Disclaimer: What Your Dad Drove (WYDD) wholly endorses anything involving a station wagon. Extra points for anything German and sideways.

via autoblog

Silver 996 Porsche 911

Photo by the author

Turn 8 and 8A, Laguna Seca Raceway

Turn 8 and 8A, Laguna Seca Raceway, "The Corkscrew" (pictured: The author and a couple of 911s from the Porsche Owners Club)

Matt Henry

Photographer Matt Henry via Photo Donuts

The Mile High Medical Marijuana Hauler

I was writing a letter to some pen pals in Iowa when I stumbled on the whole medical marijuana debate and by stumble I mean I complained about how pot and beer are the only two topics covered at any partly I've been to lately. Scratch that Beer, pot and the merits of Dubstep (a newer form of electronic music or so I've heard). While a bunch of Colorado State students were arguing which music festival was the one worth attending based on the availability of the "Primo weed" I got to thinking: What would your dad drive if he was in the medicinal pot business?

Here are three of my selections:

The Subaru Station Wagon (in green of course):

If you live in or around Boulder, CO you see them everywhere. The pleasant, unassuming, all wheel drive Subaru Legacy wagon. Now if you're trying to grow your green and sell it for some green the weather here in Colorado might not be the best. The Subies all wheel drive, low center of gravity and ample storage makes ideal for hauling any essential Colorado gear from guitar amps and snowboards to "glass" and grow lights.

The Ford Transit Connect:

Ok, lets say you want to add a little more legitimacy to your all natural medicine business and the rusty old subie isn't quite cutting it. This is where the Ford Transit Connect comes in. With 135 sq. ft. of storage and a 1600lb. (thats a lot of cheeba) the Transit connect has plenty of space to meet the demand of even the largest Phish concert. Not to mention those huge white panels are just waiting for your cousin Twitch to stencil on a wicked Grateful Dead tribute.

The Van:

You knew it was coming. Nothing beats the overall versatility of the good old fashioned panel van. Whether Ford, Chevy, or Dodge(picture above) vans have it all, robust construction, room enough to haul anything in (or live in if your dispensary goes bust, or gets busted) not to mention the wonderful mobile privacy where you and your fellow patients can hot box away your ailments in a plush space, drowning in 8-track heaven.

Lancia, oh, Lancia! (you make me miss the past)

The original Lancia Stratos was a beautiful car, and not a slouch either with World Rally Titles in 1974, 1975, and 1976.

With the release of the first spy shots of the new Lancia Stratos mule I figured I would wipe the drool away from my mouth long enough to throw in my saliva covered two cents. Sweet jeebuz is this thing beautiful, the original Stratos was a wedge of speed and awesome and this new one is just a awesome so beautiful it almost makes me upset—

—Maybe because any car with an engine where the trunk should be makes me giddy or maybe I'm just a sucker cute Italian retro-mobiles, because the Italian idea of retro is sexy where as the American idea of retro has been penned by the devil himself Bryan Nesbitt who we can blame for the Chevrolet HHR, and Chrysler PT Cruiser. HHR is for Heritage High Roof. Heritage High Roof? Really GM? Really? What ever happened to sexy names? No one cares about the height of the roof! I want to drive a Chevrolet MMBLH (makes my balls look huge) or a TSMUFMBS (this should make up for my bald spot) not some high roofed retro puke! Bryan Nesbitt I hate your false retro-isms, thanks for the PT cruiser, thanks for the HHR, thanks for nothing. I guess your failed design somewhat caused the Italian takeover of Chrysler, your one redeeming accomplishment(not to mention you helped Saturn commit a plastic-clad suicide as well). "Nesbitting"Chrysler into the FIAT group means a Fait 500 for the US market, a real modern retro car based on a real car that once existed in the past. Not some distilled false past conceived to fool retirees out of their pension checks and into ugly cars.

Because Bryan Nesbit exists, God gave us the Italians and the Italians have blessed us as follows:

This is a cup of coffee:

Delicious! Invigorating! Non-fatting!

This is not:

Sugar! Cholesterol! Heart attack! Whipped Cream! Wait, shit. I love whipped cream. But sill that fluffy delicious shit KILLS.

This is an Italian mother:

Loving, caring, fierce! And she probably makes a mean pot of pasta.

This is an American politician pretending to be a mom:

Poor Trig :-(

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What does this all have to do with automobiles? Well, there was a day when American cars where sexy and we beat the pants off of those espresso drinking ninnys while we smoked unfiltered cigarettes and drank black coffee, not to mention this was during the same decade we landed on the moon, passed the Civil Rights bill and still had lead in our paint and out gas—

Oh sweet Italy, will you one day show us the error of our big-gulping, SUVing ways? When you do come please bring your new Stratos with you.

Thanks to Jalopnik and GP Forums