Lancia, oh, Lancia! (you make me miss the past)

The original Lancia Stratos was a beautiful car, and not a slouch either with World Rally Titles in 1974, 1975, and 1976.

With the release of the first spy shots of the new Lancia Stratos mule I figured I would wipe the drool away from my mouth long enough to throw in my saliva covered two cents. Sweet jeebuz is this thing beautiful, the original Stratos was a wedge of speed and awesome and this new one is just a awesome so beautiful it almost makes me upset—

—Maybe because any car with an engine where the trunk should be makes me giddy or maybe I'm just a sucker cute Italian retro-mobiles, because the Italian idea of retro is sexy where as the American idea of retro has been penned by the devil himself Bryan Nesbitt who we can blame for the Chevrolet HHR, and Chrysler PT Cruiser. HHR is for Heritage High Roof. Heritage High Roof? Really GM? Really? What ever happened to sexy names? No one cares about the height of the roof! I want to drive a Chevrolet MMBLH (makes my balls look huge) or a TSMUFMBS (this should make up for my bald spot) not some high roofed retro puke! Bryan Nesbitt I hate your false retro-isms, thanks for the PT cruiser, thanks for the HHR, thanks for nothing. I guess your failed design somewhat caused the Italian takeover of Chrysler, your one redeeming accomplishment(not to mention you helped Saturn commit a plastic-clad suicide as well). "Nesbitting"Chrysler into the FIAT group means a Fait 500 for the US market, a real modern retro car based on a real car that once existed in the past. Not some distilled false past conceived to fool retirees out of their pension checks and into ugly cars.

Because Bryan Nesbit exists, God gave us the Italians and the Italians have blessed us as follows:

This is a cup of coffee:

Delicious! Invigorating! Non-fatting!

This is not:

Sugar! Cholesterol! Heart attack! Whipped Cream! Wait, shit. I love whipped cream. But sill that fluffy delicious shit KILLS.

This is an Italian mother:

Loving, caring, fierce! And she probably makes a mean pot of pasta.

This is an American politician pretending to be a mom:

Poor Trig :-(

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What does this all have to do with automobiles? Well, there was a day when American cars where sexy and we beat the pants off of those espresso drinking ninnys while we smoked unfiltered cigarettes and drank black coffee, not to mention this was during the same decade we landed on the moon, passed the Civil Rights bill and still had lead in our paint and out gas—

Oh sweet Italy, will you one day show us the error of our big-gulping, SUVing ways? When you do come please bring your new Stratos with you.

Thanks to Jalopnik and GP Forums